THE PARADOX PRINCESS



               Do you believe in fairy tales? Does a princess really get her happily ever after? Well, now let’s see if that’s true. Once upon a time, on a cold and quiet night breeze in August, the only sound that broke the stillness of the whole kingdom was the cry of a newborn princess. This wasn’t a princess born with trumpets and cheers, but a new life began in a simple room of the castle. My story is not a fairytale about a prince, but something far more interesting. Yes, you’ve heard it right; the princess is me. A princess named Lovely Mae Rea Diwata. A lot of people say that my name is too long because they thought that Rea was my third name, but it is not. It’s my middle name, which I got from my half-Japanese mother named Lilia Rea. Aside from that, my second name, Mae, was given to me by my auntie, which means goddess, and is also connected to my surname, Diwata, which is a Tagalog word for 'fairy' and an ethereal guardian of nature in Philippine folklore. Besides that, my nickname is Ada, which means a noble one. So, I may not be a real-life princess, but all these little things make me feel like one. I am a princess on my own. I was born on August 19, 2005, in Tagpos, Binangonan Rizal. So, it’s been 18 years since the princess who will bring change to her kingdom was born.

          Our so-called kingdom was ruled by our lovely parents, who gave us all their love and attention. My father’s name is Jimmy D. Diwata, from which I got my height or physical features such as his face, nose, and personality. In order to provide for our needs, my father’s work is as a construction worker, which I am so proud to mention. My late mother’s name is Lilia R. Rea. She was a very strong mother. She did all these things just to take care of us and shape us into good person. Furthermore, among the six siblings, I am the only girl, and I’m very grateful and somehow lucky because I have five brothers—or so-called princes—that will protect their princess no matter what. It feels great to have them in my life, and it made me feel so special and treasured like a most valuable gem in their lives. Among them, my firstborn brother is my favorite one because he always supports me in the things that I want and makes me happy. He never invalidates my feelings and always checks up on me whenever I don’t feel okay. He’s the best among the best. A prince that all princesses in every kingdom were asking for.

         I remember when I was a child. I used to spend my days playing outside with my friends. A princess who enjoys every second of her life without thinking of anything. I can say that my early life was worth living for. A princess who’s not worrying about anything, not thinking about any problems that may come, and a girl who’s innocent about her surroundings. I still remember how I got into an accident. It was an afternoon that day, while my mother was sleeping beside me, when I sneaked out of our house and went out to play volleyball with my friends. While playing, I stumbled on the rock, and I accidentally bumped my forehead on a sharp rock. It caused bleeding and left scars on my forehead up until now. Well, even though I have a lot of scars on my body, I can still say that my childhood days were all memorable and one of the most enjoyable moments of my life that left a special place in my heart because I’ve learned a lot of lessons from them.

        Aside from that, the thing that I want to do whenever I have free time is play with my pets. I have two lovely dogs and one cat. Ever since I was a child, I have really had a soft spot for animals. I still remember the day I cried so hard when my first dog died when I was in sixth grade. Losing a pet feels like losing a family member, and I don’t want it. However, most of the time, I spent my free time alone. I love reading novels, particularly in the teen fiction and fantasy genres. It brings me so much joy and delight. It also brings me to another world and somehow makes me forget the chaotic reality in the meantime. Furthermore, I also sing and play instruments such as the ukulele and guitar. I learned it from my first-born brother. I do really love having some me time or time for myself alone. It feels like I’m exploring and discovering things on my own. In addition to that, I think one of my toxic traits is isolating myself from other people when I’m mad, not okay, or struggling with something. It became my coping mechanism, which most of the people around me misunderstood. Well, I can say that I’m not good at communicating my feelings to others.

      I started and entered school when I was six years old at Tagpos Elementary School. There’s a lot of unforgettable memories that I made when I was still there. I remember the first time that my teacher nominated me to present the declamation speech on stage in front of many students. I was so nervous at that time to the point that I just wanted to run away from all of them, but I still made it. Therefore, when I entered junior high school at Guronasyon Foundation Inc. National High School, it enhances my communication skills, which I’m not good at, because of the plenty of activities that they offer, such as the monthly programs. Now that I’m currently studying at Vicente Madrigal Integrated School as a Grade 12 HUMSS student, I can say that I can now handle and communicate with other people.

      One of the things that I’m proud to say is that I have been a consistent honor student since elementary school. Since grade 3, I’ve always chosen to be one of the students who’ll compete outside the school on different quiz bees. I was also one of the club officers of the English and Filipino Club for two years when I was in junior high school. I also placed in a History quiz bee back in Grade 8. It feels great to know that all my parents’ sacrifices and hard work for us paid off. It is something that I can give to them, and I want them to be proud of it, since they are the main reason why I am doing the best that I can in everything. Now, the biggest achievement that I want to share is when I realized that I’m slowly overcoming the things that I fear and am scared of. I’m now slowly healing from the things that I don’t have control over that happened in my life. It is an achievement to survive this life even if I lose one of the reasons why I want to live. When I lost my mother, I also lost myself. So, it is really a big thing that I surpassed those times and am still continuing to live this life to the fullest.

         Maybe you’re wondering that the life of a princess is all about having a fantastic life and having a happily ever after, but it is not. Throughout my life journey, I’ve experienced a lot of challenges that I’ve overcome easily. However, one of the biggest and hardest battles that I encountered was when I lost the queen in our kingdom. When my mother passed away due to her illness. It was a depressing moment of my life because all my life, they've been—my parents are the main source of my strength and energy to continue this life. So, when I lost my mother, I didn’t know how to stand up again. Nevertheless, the king and the five princes of my life never let me drown in the deep ocean of sadness. They lift me up and never leave my side. That’s when I realized that my life didn’t end when I lost my mother, because there’s still thousands of reasons why I should keep on moving, one of which is to achieve my goal.

       When people hear the word princess, they will conclude that she has a fantastic life, living her life to the fullest because she has privileges on things, and she has a night shining armor that will protect them in the midst of the battle. Nevertheless, for me, being a princess is not all about having a prince who will love them endlessly. It is about being herself and continuing to live this life with a purpose. That purpose is to achieve my goals. I want to be successful someday to help my family have a better quality of life. I want to pay them for the things that they gave and sacrificed. Also, since I have a soft spot for the elderly, I want to establish a charity and a nursing home for them. However, in order to achieve that, I need to pursue my dream job, which is being a flight attendant. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been always captivated by the beauty of the sky. So, I want to pursue being a flight attendant because I feel like whenever I see the skies, I’m just inches away from my mother, and I can still feel her.

 Written by: Lovely Mae R. Diwata

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